Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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