So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
