I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
