I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
