I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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