you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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