He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found a bag of teeth...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
