I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
