At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
