I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
