our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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