DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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