Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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