the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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