also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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