So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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