Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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