Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
