someone threw a dead crab at me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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