Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
