so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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