It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
