he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
