dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
