tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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