the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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