I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
