considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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