If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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