they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
