Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
