New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
