bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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