when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
