when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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