nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
