just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
