Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
