i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I need to calm my uterus...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
