very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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