Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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