You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
