Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
