The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
