So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
