I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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