I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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