can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
