You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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