i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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