My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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