I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
