I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
